How
to Break Your Addiction to a
Person by Howard Halpern |
Obsessive
Love: When It Hurts Too Much to Let
Go by Susan Forward (Author), Craig Buck (Author) |
"How to Break Your Addiction to a Person"
by Howard Halpern
"Obsessive Love: When It Hurts Too Much to Let Go"
by
Susan Forward (Author), Craig Buck (Author)
I'll advise
all the people who are in an unhealthy relationship to buy
Obsessive
Love: When It Hurts Too Much to Let
Go
I had know idea what was wrong with me and I couldn't figure out why I did
the things I did until I read
How
to Break Your Addiction to a
Person
How
to Break Your Addiction to a
Person
Book Description
Are you in love--or addicted? How to know when to call it quits...and how
to find the courage to call it quits.
Are you unable to leave a love relationship even though it gives you more
pain than joy? Your judgment and self-respect tell you to end it, but still,
to your dismay, you hang on. You are addicted--to a person. Now there is
an insightful, step-by-step guide to breaking that addiction--and surviving
the split. Drawing on dozens of provocative case histories, psychotherapist
Howard Helpern explains to you:
Why you can get addicted to a person.
Why and how you may try to deceive yourself. ("He really loves me, he just
doesn't know how to show it.")
How you can recognize the symptoms of a bad relationship.
How to deal with the power moves and guilt trips your partner uses to hold
you.
Why strong feelings of jealousy do not mean you are "in love."
How to get through the agonizing breakup period--without going back.
How not to get caught in such a painful relationship again.
From the Paperback edition.
From the Publisher
Are you in love--or addicted? How to know when to call it quits...and how
to find the courage to call it quits.
Are you unable to leave a love relationship even though it gives you more
pain than joy? Your judgment and self-respect tell you to end it, but still,
to your dismay, you hang on. You are addicted--to a person. Now there is
an insightful, step-by-step guide to breaking that addiction--and surviving
the split. Drawing on dozens of provocative case histories, psychotherapist
Howard Helpern explains to you:
Why you can get addicted to a person.
Why and how you may try to deceive yourself. ("He really loves me, he just
doesn't know how to show it.")
How you can recognize the symptoms of a bad relationship.
How to deal with the power moves and guilt trips your partner uses to hold
you.
Why strong feelings of jealousy do not mean you are "in love."
How to get through the agonizing breakup period--without going back.
How not to get caught in such a painful relationship again. --This text refers
to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Inside Flap Copy
Are you in love--or addicted? How to know when to call it quits...and how
to find the courage to call it quits.
Are you unable to leave a love relationship even though it gives you more
pain than joy? Your judgment and self-respect tell you to end it, but still,
to your dismay, you hang on. You are addicted--to a person. Now there is
an insightful, step-by-step guide to breaking that addiction--and surviving
the split. Drawing on dozens of provocative case histories, psychotherapist
Howard Helpern explains to you:
Why you can get addicted to a person.
Why and how you may try to deceive yourself. ("He really loves me, he just
doesn't know how to show it.")
How you can recognize the symptoms of a bad relationship.
How to deal with the power moves and guilt trips your partner uses to hold
you.
Why strong feelings of jealousy do not mean you are "in love."
How to get through the agonizing breakup period--without going back.
How not to get caught in such a painful relationship again.
Obsessive
Love: When It Hurts Too Much to Let
Go
Book Description
Is it impossible to let go — despite the pain?
• Do you yearn for someone who is not physically or emotionally available
to you?
• Do you believe that if you love him enough he will have to love you?
• When you feel insecure, does it drive you only to want her more?
• Do you find yourself phoning repeatedly or waiting long hours for
the phone to ring?
Do you wish someone would let go of you?
• Does an ex-lover or ex-spouse refuse to believe that it’s over?
• Do you receive unwanted phone calls, letters, presents, or visits?
• Is this pursuit of you creating so much anxiety that it affects your
physical or emotional well-being?
In this invaluable self-help guide, Dr. Susan Forward presents vivid case
histories as well as the real-life voices of men and women caught in the
grip of obsessive passion.
Whether you’re an obsessive lover or the target of such an obsession,
here is a proven, step-by-step program that shows you how to recognize the
“connection compulsion,” what causes it, and how to break its hold
on your life so that you can go on to build healthy, lasting, and pain-free
relationships.
From the Publisher
In this invaluable self-help guide, Dr. Susan Forward presents vivid case
histories as well as the real-life voices of men and women caught in the
grip of obsessive passion. Whether you're an obsessive lover or the target
of such an obsession, here is a proven, step-by-step program that shows you
how to recognize the "connection compulsion," what causes it, and how to
break its hold on your life so that you can go on to build healthy, lasting,
and pain-free relationships. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable
edition of this title.
Inside Flap Copy
Is it impossible to let go, despite the pain?
* Do you yearn for someone who is not physically or emotionally available
to you?
* Do you believe that if you love him enough he will have to love you?
* When you feel insecure, does it drive you only to want her more?
* Do you find yourself phoning repeatedly or waiting long hours for the phone
to ring?
Do you wish someone would let go of you?
* Does an ex-lover or ex-spouse refuse to believe that it?s over?
* Do you receive unwanted phone calls, letters, presents, or visits?
* Is this pursuit of you creating so much anxiety that it affects your physical
or emotional well-being?
In this invaluable self-help guide, Dr. Susan Forward presents vivid case
histories as well as the real-life voices of men and women caught in the
grip of obsessive passion.
Whether you're an obsessive lover or the target of such an obsession, here
is a proven, step-by-step program that shows you how to recognize the 'connection
compulsion', what causes it, and how to break its hold on your life so that
you can go on to build healthy, lasting, and pain-free relationships.
READER'S COMMENTS ON
How
to Break Your Addiction to a
Person
I first devoured this book about 9 years
ago & it saved my life, literally! I could not leave a very sick abusive
man, even though I was terrified of him, even when he degraded me, even when
it made my hate myself & feel disgusted at my seeming powerlessness to
leave. This book SAVED my LIFE! I was able to break my lifelong patterns
of choosing women haters, violent batterers, charming seductive snakes whose
only goal was to drive me insane & break me in pieces emotionally until
I had NO self-worth, self-respect, NO SELF at all left. Why do we stay hooked
in harmful relationships? It's not always physically abusive, sometimes they
are emotionally & verbally abusive to the point that you no longer know
what is real. You want so badly to believe the lies & excuses, hold onto
the hope that your lover will change if you just love them enough, I know
he really loves me, she/he's just having a bad day, etc. If you've ever been
in any type of relationship that you knew or suspected was harmful but STILL
could NOT leave, you know the shattering pain of addiction to a person.
This book tells one how they became addicted & why, how to recognize
a bad relationship, how to deal with the power & guilt trips your partner
uses to keep you hooked, that jealousy & possessiveness do NOT mean love,
how to get through the breakup without going back, & how to break this
pattern for good! I could have gone through years of expensive therapy &
still not received the exact help or understanding that I needed to set myself
free from addictive relationships. I just bought a new copy of the book--it
is timeless, worth much more than the cover price of...(therapy could cost
thousands, take years & have less results). I recommend getting at least
2 because you won't want to share & we always know at least one person
trapped in addictive relationships. You're worth it, right? :-)
~Ginazone
READER'S COMMENTS ON
Obsessive
Love: When It Hurts Too Much to Let
Go
I first picked up this book several years
ago when I realized that I had some issues around being addicted to a person.
I have found it very helpful because some of the stories themselves parallel
my own issues, and also because it has helped me to recognize characteristics
of the persons with whom I form such unhealthy attractions.
This very well written book explores the symptoms and results of being addicted
to a person. Author Susan Forward's basic premise is that a person who tends
to be relationally addicted will be drawn to somebody who, for various reasons,
becomes for him or her their One Magic Person. Through this person, the addicted
one relives certain negative childhood experiences, hoping to make them come
out right this time.
In the majority of cases in the book, the addicted one eventually drives
the other one away through their jealousy, possessiveness or what-have-you,
and from that point the addict's focus switches to getting the other one
back. This can take the form of unwanted visits, phone calls and gifts. In
one of the sadder cases, the pursuer is reduced to sitting in a car outside
the other one's house hoping for a glimpse of the beloved from time to time.
Sometimes, the pursuer takes revenge against either the other one's property
or, in a couple of very tragic cases, the other one's person.
The case histories in the book are partly told in the words of the addicted
one, with comments by the author. There is a chapter devoted to the ones
who are pursued, although even in this chapter, the focus goes back to the
pursuers.
If it appears as though the pursuers are the always the bad guys, this is
not the case. Sometimes the ones who are pursued are using the pursuers (who
normally fall into a particular category that Forward calls "Saviors") and
setting them up for a fall. These folks cannot be driven away until their
web of lies and deceit are exposed.
Finally, there is a section on how to let go of the obsession. One of the
strongest and most helpful parts of this section is the reminder that if
the other party has cut off all contact, the relationship is over. Forward
expresses her surprise at how many clients she sees who, even though they
may not have heard from their ex-partner in months, still believe that they
have a relationship with that person.
I highly recommend this book to anybody who has, or thinks they have, an
addiction to a person. It's a great reminder that we are not alone in this
illness and that help is available.~Mike
READER'S COMMENTS ON
How
to Break Your Addiction to a
Person
This is without a doubt one of the most useful and insightful books I've
ever read. It helped me 1) realize that the love someone kept telling me
he felt for me was not real love, but rather an addiction - an obession -
and 2) - most important of all - it helped me realize that *I* was just as
addicted as he was, to his "love" and attention. Hopefully, armed with this
knowledge, I can finally end this unhealthy relationship, once and for all,
which I've been trying to do for some time now. Thank you Howard
Halpern!!!~Heidi
READER'S COMMENTS ON
Obsessive
Love: When It Hurts Too Much to Let
Go
I can't count the times I have pontificated by saying that I would never
read or recommend a self-help book. Well I was wrong. "Obsessive Love..."
is a gem of the genre, a truly insightful and helpful book for all ages.
In clear, thoughtful, and easy-to-read English, Susan Forward explains the
difference between love--and obsession, quite a different animal altogether.
Because it is written with a nonjudgmental attitude and the compassion comes
through on every page, it allows the reader who may be caught up in such
a relationship to take the first painful step: admitting that he/she is indeed
caught up in this unhealthy situation.
The book then gives advice on how to break the attachment and to see the
relationship for what it is--or is not. It is aimed at giving the obsessor
his/her life back, and of course, the object of the obsession gains the same
bonus. Those who are caught up in such a relationship often feel hopeless,
helpless, and truly terrified at the prospect of ending a relationship that
in fact may not even exist (or that exists no longer). Forward understands
this, and does not try to explain it away. She simply guides the reader,
quietly and firmly, if you will, through a series of steps that she says
will help. And they do.
Letting go is never an easy process, and Forward does not pretend that it
is. But her advice works, and leaves the obsessor with dignity and a sense
of having come through a serious situation, and out to the other side.
I would imagine that this book would not help a truly psychotic stalker.
I have recommended it repeatedly to friends who are locked into relationships
that are obsessive and unhealthy, or that are over entirely. The advice has
worked every time. I recommend this book to anyone who is grieving over a
failed love affair, or a preoccupation with a person who does not reciprocate
one's affections. If nothing else, this book will provide strong
comfort.~Calyndula
READER'S COMMENTS ON
How
to Break Your Addiction to a
Person
I broke up with
my boyfriend so many times I couldn't count them, but always took him back,
or went back to him until I couldn't see straight. Why couldn't I let this
man go, who treated me badly and with no respect? This book explained it
very well and walked me through the why's and how's. I learned more about
me from this book than months of therapy. I simply could not put it down
- there was so much in there that spoke directly to me and my situation.
If you want to leave a person but can't - or in my situation - already left
him/her and are an emotional, self-doubting wreck because of it - GET THIS
BOOK!!~A Reader
READER'S COMMENTS ON
Obsessive
Love: When It Hurts Too Much to Let
Go
As someone who's had an admitted history of obsessive love for two women,
(not at the same time)- I can't recommend this book more.
Dr. Forward takes you through some case histories and shows you in her patient's
words what will probably sound familiar to you if you've been involved in
an unhealthy relationship.
By the second half of the book, Dr Forward finally gets down to the nitty-gritty
and explains how a rejection, a missed romantic opportunity, a relationship
that won't die a natural death, can trigger irrational feelings in us that
stem from childhood. Yep, that's right - childhood.
That cutie that you put on a pedestal and think about day and night? That
guy that stays away from you? Guess what? They're stand-ins for Mom or Dad.
A divorce, a mid-life crisis, job loss, any negative life event can trigger
your wish for someone whom you want to just take you in their arms and stroke
you and tell you it's all going to be OK.
When the person you want so badly cuts off all contact from you, it's like
a stab in the heart. But, it's over. Dr. Forward gently takes you through
the grieving process, and gives you ways to help heal your broken heart.
She also tells how you can deal with the person who just can't let go.
No matter which side of the fence you're on, stalker or victim, it's an agonizing
road, but, Susan gently urges you on through the healing process.
By the way, this book was written in the nineties, so there's hardly any
mention of e-stalking, but the advice still holds.
Most importantly, Dr Forward withholds her judgment and makes no one a "bad
guy", and it's true, there are no bad people here, only people who don't
know where or how to turn for help. ~Michael
READER'S COMMENTS ON
How
to Break Your Addiction to a
Person
This book provides a well-organized look at the way in which our "attachment hunger", as Halpern names it, motivates us to stay in intimate relationships which may or may not be healthy for us. As a Ph.D. student in Clinical Psychology, I found this book to be a welcome bridge between the traditional theories of attachment and my actual life experiences. It was also a wonderful aid in my personal quest to form an identity based not on a "significant-other", but upon myself and my comfort with being alone. This is a book I will be glad to recommend to clients and friends alike, as it offers a practical application to a theory-based problem.~Czuccarelli
READER'S COMMENTS ON
Obsessive
Love: When It Hurts Too Much to Let
Go
After I had 3 long term relationships
end. I decided to look for help. A counselor recommended I read Susan's book.
Wow what an eye opening experience. Many of the situations she outlines in
the book parallel my relationships. It helped me take a fresh look at the
way I think about love and relationships. It doesn't take too long to read
and has totally changed my life. If you think your obsessing you should read
this book. And start enjoying fun and healthy relationships instead of poisoning
your life.~Kurt
READER'S COMMENTS ON
How
to Break Your Addiction to a
Person
I had know idea what was wrong with me and I couldn't figure out why I did the things I did until I read this book. It gave me strength to be honest about myself and to leave the addictive relationship I was in without going back. It helped me understand the "withdrawal" of another person.Now I get to start my life over a healthier way.~A Reader
READER'S COMMENTS ON
Obsessive
Love: When It Hurts Too Much to Let
Go
When I first got this book, I was so
addicted to a person that I did not realize I was stalking him and invading
his privacy. This book deals out some harsh truth in the beginning. At first
I felt no sympathy for my painful ordeal and I couldn't read it. I would
recommend reading this book after you have explored why you are the way you
are and accepted that are obsessed or addicted to a person. Before reading
this book, you might want to try How to Break an Addiction to a Person. That
book is a little more sympathetic to how you feel and it helps you to understand
why you are acting the way you act. Once you come to terms with yourself
and your problems, read Obsessive Love. It gives clear concise directions
on how to stop obsessing using behavior conditioning. The psychological
techniques in this book really work because they do not focus on appealing
to your logical mind but to your illogical emotions and thoughts. This book
also provides some insight on how you got this way and it helps you to understand
how the person you are obsessing over feels. That is important. This is a
great book that really helps deal with a sickness appropriately. It is not
a quick fix it is not cheesy. It deals you the truth and then tells you exercises
to do everyday to help you deal with the pain. It takes work and dedication
to make yourself a healthier person but with this book, you can do it.~A
Reader
READER'S COMMENTS ON
How
to Break Your Addiction to a
Person
This book saved my life! I was in a deep depression over fear of losing someone
I loved. I have always been anxious and upset about people leaving me. When
I felt like I was going to die, I bought this book in hopes of helping me
get over feeling so rejected. It really saved my life. It made me realize
once and for all why my relationships consistently dont work out even when
they seem right. It gave me clear, concise and helpful activities and exercises
to do everyday that helped me recover from needing someone so badly. It helped
me feel more independent, in control and confident in my life. It helped
me to understand why I am the way I am and it used very specific behavioral
conditioning to help me change that. This book is not an easy way out. It
is not a quick fix for your life. It tells the truth and provides a clear
plan that you would implement over a period of time to help you to stop depending
on and needing people. It takes work and dedication but it is worth every
ounce of self confidence and independence you will feel after getting over
your addiction. Helpful for both those who are in an addictive relationship
and those who have just left one.~A Reader
Read more or
order your copies of
How
to Break Your Addiction to a
Person
Obsessive
Love: When It Hurts Too Much to Let
Go
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